MINNESOTA; Letter: Your Turn--Opening Records is Ill-Advised, December 17, 2007

ST. CLOUD TIMES, December 17, 2007
OPINION--
Your turn: Opening records is ill-advised
By Patricia A. Krueger, St. Cloud



I am writing in response to Rep. Kathy Tingelstad's Your Turn about proposed changes in adoption records access. ("Minnesota needs to restore rights of adopted people," Dec. 1)

Her suggestion seems to be that formerly closed records should now be completely open, without regard for the original circumstances. While she may be well meaning, I disagree. This should be unnecessary, and may possibly be harmful to individuals and families.

We do agree on some basic concepts. It is not difficult to understand the need for an adopted person to want or need genetic and medical information about families of origin. Curiosity about one's birth parents is also understandable and should be accommodated.

However, I believe that some societal forces have encouraged adoptees to focus on the loss of that original connection as a serious deficiency. Stories that emphasize such feelings turn up as entertainment more than news items. A sense of alienation, inadequacy, lack of confidence and self-esteem can be fostered by well-intended people who suggest adoptees are incomplete people and remiss if they don't want to "find out who they are."

Non-adoptees are seldom encouraged to feel that who they are is more a product of their parents than their own personality and abilities. Still, the eventual location of birth parents can bring closure. It is common for adopted children to fantasize about birth parents.

I recall times when "birth mom" was held up as an enchanting alternative to "enforcing mom" at home. This is different than what might happen at a later age, when contact with the birth family might help answer questions.

The process of locating birth family should be as easy as possible. As an adoptive parent, I encourage my two adopted children to make that search when and if they are comfortable. I will help them.

An important fact that Tingelstad did not mention is that many reunions already happen on a regular basis here in Minnesota.

It is already possible to launch a search for family of origin members, but a facilitator is required. This person will gather the information — if it exists — and provide it to the petitioner. An actual meeting is not arranged until both parties agree. In most cases, that happens when desired — and ends well. A facilitator can prepare the way and properly orient those involved so that the reunions are more likely to be successful. (A surprise visit is much more likely to result in rejection and disappointment than one that is arranged.)

However, in the past, many birth mothers relinquished babies for reasons we should never judge. They were promised privacy. Many may have families whom they have never told about this chapter in their life, and they are afraid of the reactions. They also may hope to be reunited with the child, but under current policy can be assured that someone will contact them with news about that child's interest in reuniting. Thus, they may prepare, even seek assistance, for what can become a healthy and beneficial meeting.

In other cases, adopted children fear the arrival of a birth parent. This legislation usually works both ways. Some adoptees are concerned about a disruption in their lives caused by a person who seeks a relationship they may not desire. Again, current law makes a reunion possible, but only with facilitation and the ability for both parties to make choices.

Tingelstad characterizes adoption practices as only parent focused. Because of my extensive involvement with Children's Home Society & Family Services, I can assure her — and everyone — that for many decades they have been overwhelmingly child centered.

The ability of a woman to make an adoption plan 40 years ago often prevented tragic circumstances for children and the parent. Times have changed, but a promise that may have lead to the adoption decision must be kept.

This is the opinion of St. Cloud resident Patricia Krueger, a director emeriti of Children's Home Society & Family Services.

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