HICKORY DAILY RECORD
March 2, 2008Biological Connection
by Jennifer Menster
CONOVER -- Toni Jones and Ryan Peedin don’t share the same last name. They can’t reflect on childhood memories of Ryan making As, playing sports or getting married.
But Toni and Ryan have the same eyes. Their laughs twine together, and a current photo of Ryan resembles a younger version of Toni’s brother, Bob.
The two are biologically connected: Toni was 15 when she got pregnant in the 1970s. Her parents made her give up the child. Ryan, a name later given to him, went to a wonderful set of parents in Johnston County. He grew up knowing he was adopted.
“I was always curious, and I would think about it long enough to feed my curiosity,” Peedin says. “I knew adoption records were sealed, and I didn’t have a lot of encouragement legal-wise.”
Peedin grew up, got married and has two daughters who favored him. He couldn’t help but wonder where his daughters’ eye color or facial features really came from. As he aged and his daughters grew, Peedin questioned if he should be worried about diabetes or high blood pressure or other medical concerns that might run in his biological parents’ families.
The search beginsIn June 2004, Peedin began his search. He was 32 years old. The agency Peedin worked with in Johnston County, where he lives, couldn’t give him identifying records. A copy of his birth certificate was false: It listed his adopted parents as his birth parents. Peedin tried three or four registry Web sites where adoptees and birth parents sometimes go to the find one another. Matches are rare.
His adoptive parents were open in helping Peedin with the search. Mom and Dad told Peedin everything they could. Peedin knew he was born in 1972 (birth days never change) in Catawba County, and he knew his biological mother was around 15 when he was born.
Copies of non-identifying information gave him several clues. His birth parents’ names were blacked out, but on one sheet, Peedin could make out a T. Another clue was that the birth mother’s father was born in Ohio and her mother was born in Catawba County.
Peedin took the clues - a T, her age, Ohio and Catawba County - and went to the Catawba County Register of Deeds Office to search birth records. It took him 15 minutes before he found Toni’s birth certificate.
“There was no doubt in my mind that we had found her,” Peedin said.
However, it would still be a while before Peedin confirmed she was the one. He figured she was married and had a new last name. He didn’t know if she was living out of state or maybe even dead. Peedin went to Sybil Good at Family Builders, a division of the Department of Social Services that handles adoptions and foster home licensing.
What a small world: Good was the same social worker who helped place Ryan more than 30 years ago. She knew his birth mother, but by law couldn’t tell him. Instead, she offered him what services and advice she legally could.
Disappointment, then successA frustrated Peedin was a little disappointed and uncertain about what to do, but he didn’t give up. His wife called a private investigator. The P.I. refused to take the case because Peedin had come so far by himself. The investigator gave Peedin a tip.
Peedin had looked up Toni’s parents’ telephone number in the phone book, but he was uncertain whether to call them, not knowing if they’d be willing to help. With a little white lie and the P.I.’s advice, Peedin had a female call Toni’s mom asking for her contact information for a class reunion. Peedin had his birth mother’s married name, her address and telephone number.
What now?He called Good for advice, and she told him to write a letter. A letter? Peedin didn’t know what to say. He had been so focused during his two-month search, but the emotions were beginning to swell. He wanted to be fair - to himself and Toni. What if she didn’t want to have anything to do with him? In the letter, he said that would be her decision. He told her good parents raised him and he understood the circumstances of his adoption. Peedin didn’t want to get his expectations too high and a lot of the letter was curiosity about medical history.
Peedin sent the letter to Good, who served as a go-between. Toni said when she heard the phone message from Good she knew exactly what it was about.
“Whenever she said, ‘This is Sybil Good,’ I could have fell to the floor,” Jones said. “I was never expecting this to happen. I gave up on that a long time ago.”
On Sept. 12, 2004, Peedin met his birth mother. He, his wife, Joy, and Toni and her husband, Keith, met at Valley Hills Mall for dinner. They wound up returning to the Jones’ home and talking for hours.
Peedin and Jones talk at least once a week. They’ve vacationed together and visit several times a year. Jones has met Peedin’s adopted mother and several other family members. It’s still not time for Peedin to meet his biological father or grandparents.
A new lawPeedin spent more than two months searching for his birth mother. It was worth it, but it would have been nice if he could have skipped the work and gone straight to an agency to get his answers.
Now, adoptees, their lineal descendants if the adoptee is deceased and biological parents can do just that. A law that went into effect Jan. 1 allows North Carolina counties the option to serve as confidential intermediaries between adult adoptees and biological parents.
In December, the Catawba County Board of Commissioners unanimously approved a Confidential Intermediary Program in the county. Family Builders heads up the program.
“We’ve been ready to serve since (the beginning),” Sybil Good said. “Now we can actually search for a person, and we have avenues to search databases this agency has access to.”
These are the standard services of the Confidential Intermediary Program offered by Family Builders:
• Provides initial consultation regarding the county’s policy in addressing House Bill 445;
• Conducts an in-house record review and a search for the person listed above, including, but not limited to, an Internet based search;
• Initiates contact with any person found in an attempt to obtain current non-identifying health and background information;
• Ascertains that person’s willingness to share identifying information or have contact with the applicant; and/or
• Provides the intermediary services needed to ensure all parties are addressing the psychological and social issues in a healthy and productive manner.
Additional services would include facilitating contact if both parties agree and continue to provide services regarding psychological and social issues. There is a fee for the services.
The program has backing from the county and state, but across the country the issue of opening birth records of adoptees has raised concerns. Opposition has come from the National Council for Adoption, some Catholic bishops, abortion opponents and civil libertarians, according to a recent article in USA Today. Opponents believe open records violate a birth mother’s right to privacy and some women may choose abortion over adoption.
But in Catawba County, everyone is allowed choices, and it’s up to the biological children and parents if they want to meet.
Peedin is grateful Jones was willing to meet with him. It not only gives him a chance to learn about his past, but it gives them a chance for a future.
jmenster@hickoryrecord.com | x5409 or
Link to article
Not directly related to adoptee rights, but important.
