MISSOURI: Foster Mom Creates a Permanent Home for Siblings, January 2, 2008

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HAYES DAILY EXAMINER/
AP MISSOURI PANORAMA
January 2, 2008

Foster mom creates a permanent home for siblings

By HUGH S. WELSH

INDEPENDENCE, Mo. (AP) -- For resident Helen Martin, the last six years have been enlightening, emboldening, disheartening and, finally, celebratory.

She has seen her kids flung from squalor to luxury and back to squalor again.

And then she saw her kids find permanent luxury -- a luxury that includes their own beds, rooms, PlayStations and, most importantly, their own identity.

"I love my babies," Martin said. "They're my family, and we're good."

Several months ago, Martin was granted a verdict that terminated the parental rights of the birth mother of her three foster children, granting Martin permission to formally adopt them.

In late September, Martin held a party to commemorate the occasion. In attendance were 75 people, including family members, teachers and the attorneys and judge who followed their case from Day One.

"It was the most wonderful party I've ever been a part of," Martin said.

The children she once fostered now carry her last name and all have new Social Security numbers.

"I'd like to think they've been reborn," Martin said.

Psychologically, Martin is battered and bruised -- but upright.

And the same could be said for her newfound kids who have, since birth, suffered an untold number of hardships both physical and psychological.

Two of her children may always have learning disabilities.

But at least they're clean, attending school and making friends.

The story of the making of a family began with the arrival of a caseworker's car holding three children of different ages.

"I'd always wanted to be a foster mom," Martin said. "Now, here was my chance."

In the back seat of the car was Ann, a 2-year-old girl in a diaper and incapable of speaking.

Next to her was Michael, a 7-year-old boy with a junkyard dog temperament and four-letter vocabulary.

And in the front seat was Sara, an 11-year-old girl with hardly a kindergarten education.

All wearing clothing dirtied and ragged. All victims of abuse, molestation and neglect.

For two years, Martin gave them a home -- a home they could call their own.

That is until the death of their father, who was the parent found to be at fault for their despair by the courts.

With his passing, the birth mother's custody was restored and the kids were returned to their origins.

It would not last.

She loves running her fingers through Sara's flowing brunette hair.

"I remember how heartbreaking it was to see it chopped off," Martin said.

Four months passed before Martin saw the children after returning them to the birth mother.

Again, they arrived in tatters in a caseworker's automobile.

This time, however, two of their heads were bare, shaven to combat a bout with head lice.

Sara's face was pockmarked with acne.

The court had spoken -- and so had Martin.

"These children needed a proper home; they deserved it," Martin said. "I vowed then and there to become their adoptive mother."

The normal process to terminate parental rights takes two years.

This was not true in the instance of Martin and her foster children.

Martin's quest would force her to slog through a four-year quagmire of court dates, counseling sessions and a court requirement that her foster children see their biological mother every week; the visits would typically be canceled by the birth mother at the last minute.

"It was like the mother saw her own kids as a court-borne burden or something," Martin said.

While the process dragged, Sara began to fear about her adoption eligibility.

"She was 16 and scared she might be reaching the end of the rope," Martin said. "She was scared she might have to make it on her own."

Contrary to popular belief, there is no age limitation on adoption eligibility, according to the North American Council on Adoptable Children.

Not that it mattered.

"If she was handed back over to her mother, she told me she would rather live on her own," Martin said.

Four months ago, the decision was made.

And it was a favorable one for Martin and family.

Martin was made the legal adoptive mother of her three foster children.

Now -- and forever more -- they're well-fed, well-treated and well-educated.

Pictures abound on the walls of Martin's home, including a recent family portrait that discernibly showcases a now 13-year-old boy who is soft-spoken and mindful to use "ma'am" and "sir" when spoken to.

"At this point, I might as well have given birth to them," Martin said. "I love them so much."

Although Helen Martin feels her children have every right to seek out their biological family when they turn 18 years of age, she is opposed to an open records policy for adoptees in Missouri.

"I just don't feel it's necessary," Martin said.

Her opinion is not as mindful of the privacy of the birth mother as it is the identity of the child.

According to Martin, bestowing upon the adoptee the original birth certificate and adoption record poses a crisis of identity.

"When a child is adopted they become a part of the adoptive family," Martin said. "In other words, that's who they are."

Martin said her eldest adopted daughter resembles her birth mother in every sense, yet, to her daughter, she is not her mom.

"She's just the person who brought her into this world, not the one who intends to love and care for her for the rest of her life," Martin said.

It's the adoptive parent who can take that credit.

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