January 3, 2008
A Heartfelt Reunion: Open Records Help Woman Find Biological Mother
By Hugh S. Welsh |
The year was 1969, but Sharon Cummins' family didn't embrace the flower child mentality blossoming across the country.
"My family was pretty conservative," said Cummins, a middle child in a family of 11 living in Kansas City.
Not long before, she had discovered what the change was that had overcome her.
The morning sickness, the cravings and the general need to use the bathroom more often now made perfect sense.
"I was pregnant," Cummins said. "No doubt about it."
She had broken the news to the father; it was the last time she would see him.
As the baby girl grew inside her, Cummins had a decision to make.
Was she prepared to scratch everything for motherhood at 21?
Did she meet the qualifications of motherhood?
Finally, Cummins made a decision. She opted to hand her child over to adoption.
"I thought it would be selfish of me to keep and care for the baby myself," Cummins said. "I wanted it to have a better life."
- - -
The birth was anything but routine.
When Cummins went into labor, complications arose and a Caesarian section was necessary.
She spent six days in the hospital recovering.
In those days, mothers giving up their children to adoption were prohibited from so much as cradling them.
Nine months of sacrifice, and she couldn't even kiss her baby's forehead.
"It was heartbreaking," Cummins said. "Absolutely heartbreaking."
But Cummins had unknowingly laid the path her daughter would follow to find her 25 years later.
She gave birth to her daughter in a Kansas City hospital on the Kansas side of the state line, where original birth certificates and adoption records are readily available to adoptees.
- - -
Blue Springs resident Lori Smith doesn't recall the name of the movie or what channel it was on.
"I think it was a 'Hallmark Hall of Fame' presentation, but I can't quite remember," Smith said.
Smith was home briefly, visiting her mother in Raytown, when the movie aired.
It dealt with the reunification of a birth mother and her adopted child.
Smith had always known she was adopted.
When the movie was over, after swiping tears from her eyes, Smith asked her mother a question:
"Is there anything you haven't shared with me about my birth parents?" Smith asked.
The answer: a resounding yes.
She pulled from the closet a shoebox containing some very basic information. Her biological parents' names, occupations, physical features, education, etc.
It did not, however, tell her their whereabouts.
Smith looked the information over and silently returned it to its proper place.
She wasn't ready. Not yet.
- - -
A couple months would pass before Smith requested her adoption record.
Once she obtained it, she tried to ignore it. But it lingered. Finally, she did something about it.
The document said her birth mother lived in Springfield, Mo.
It so happened she had a friend living there.
So Smith picked up the phone, made a call and had her friend peruse the white pages.
The name was there: Sharon Fieker (Cummins' maiden name).
Weeks later, Smith visited her friend in Springfield. While there, she drove by her birth mother's home and parked the car. It was a friendly little home with a friendly walkway leading to the front door.
Smith didn't get out, though.
"I wanted to respect her privacy," Smith said. "I thought it would be selfish of me to invade her home."
Smith drove on, but she never forgot.
- - -
Months later, Smith accepted a position at the Kansas State School for the Blind.
At one of her first days on the job, her secret slipped in front of her supervisor.
Her supervisor asked her about it, encouraging her to attempt contact by way of telephone.
Smith consented.
Only she would not do it herself.
"I asked if she would call her on my behalf," Smith said. "I thought that would be for the best."
The supervisor placed the call and was laughing then crying then laughing.
"It was a see-saw of laughter and tears," Smith said.
Then the phone call was over.
"She told me Sharon would love to talk to me," Smith said.
Later that evening, Smith dialed her birth mother's phone number.
It rang. And rang. And rang.
Then a click and a voice.
"Hello?" the voice said as sweetly as a rose in bloom.
- - -
That night, Cummins provided Smith will all of her medical background and answered all the questions that had been fermenting in the back of Smith's mind since she could remember.
The call endured well into the night. When they said their farewells, Cummins figured it would be the last.
"I thought it would be our only communication," Cummins said.
Several days later, Cummins received another call from Smith, this time to arrange a get-together.
She obliged.
Two weeks later, they were officially reunited.
That was 15 years ago.
Today, Cummins and Smith share a unique friendship, one that has been chronicled in a book titled "I Choose This Day - Mournings and Miracles of Adoption.
Every six to eight weeks, Cummins and her husband visit Smith at her home in Blue Springs.
When they're together, Cummins is not introduced to Smith's peers as "mom" but "birth mom."
To her children, Smith's adoptive mother is "Grandma," Cummins is "Grandma Sharon" and her mother-in-law is "Me-ma."
"I've never had any intention of replacing Lori's adoptive mom," Cummins said. "She is her mom and a really wonderful mom at that."
| VIEWPOINT |
Smith and Cummins share their feelings on an open-records policy for adoptees in Missouri
Smith:
It was an open-records policy that allowed Smith to locate her birth mother swiftly and assuredly.
Yet Smith is not sure whether such a policy ought to be implemented in Missouri.
"For me, mutual consent is key," Smith said. "If Sharon didn't want to talk or meet with me, I believe that's her choice.
Smith's birth father has declined contact, which she acknowledges.
She said the policy currently established in Missouri should, if nothing else, provide adoptees access to their birth parents medical history.
"In today's world, medical science allows for many preventive measures against predisposed conditions," Smith said. "If the birth parents wish for identifying information (name, date of birth, place of birth and last known address) to be removed, I believe that's their choice, but they shouldn't be able to deny their adopted children their medical background."
Cummins:
For Cummins, one of the greatest moments in her life was when she accepted a call from a 913 area code.
"I never got calls from Kansas," Cummins said. "I figured it was either a telemarketer or someone special who I hadn't spoken with in a long time."
The person was calling for Cummins' adopted daughter.
"I am in favor of open records for adoptees in Missouri and every state," Cummins said. "The most wonderful chapter in my life would not have been possible without it."
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