VERMONT: Adoptee, 79, Ventures Online to Find Blood Relatives, February 27,2008

BILLINGS (MT) GAZETTE

February 27, 2008

Adoptee, 79, ventures online to find blood relatives

By LINDA HALSTEAD-ACHARYA
Of The Gazette Staff

PARK CITY - Micki Dietsch is so prolific with her paintbrush that she bought a computer to sell her paintings on eBay. The Park City woman still hasn't listed her landscapes, but her laptop has helped her discover five half-siblings from a mother she never knew.

At 79, Dietsch is not your typical adoptee searching for biological family. She's one that never gave up.

"That's a lot of years not to know," she said. "I just want to let people know not to give up hope."

As the decades passed, Dietsch presumed that her biological parents had passed away. But she still wanted to know if she had any siblings. All of her life, she has envied families with lots of children. And she always dreamed of having a sister.

A few months ago, she learned that she had not just one, but three half-sisters and a half-brother. A fourth half-sister had passed away only weeks before Dietsch unlocked her family connection.

From the time Dietsch was a child, she knew she was adopted. Born in 1928 to an unwed mother in Vermont, she was "picked out special" by Russell and Helena Howard, a childless couple.

The Howards raised Dietsch as their own. But when her adoptive mother passed away, Dietsch, then 19, decided to look for her biological parents.

Armed only with her mother's maiden name and a few vague clues, she began her search at the place of her birth, Vermont's Elizabeth Lund Home. In 1947, the staff there was surprised by her visit. It was not uncommon for mothers to return, seeking information about the children they had put up for adoption, they told her.

"But they said I was the first one who had ever come back asking for information on my parents," she said.

Unfortunately Dietsch - then Marilyn Howard - hit a dead end at the Lund Home. She went on to marry, move to California and bear eight children of her own. Off and on for the next 60 years - she and her husband, Vyrle, retired to Park City 10 years ago - she continued to look. But it took her computer to crack the case.

"I decided, a lot of people are finding relatives (online)," she said. "I asked myself, 'I wonder if can do it?' "

It was just a year ago that Dietsch, a computer novice, bought her Compaq laptop. Teaching herself as she went, she was soon investigating ship manifests on Ancestor.com - she thinks she was once told that her parents came from

Ireland by ship - and poring over online message boards.

"I used to read those messages over and over," she said. "Every once in a while, I would see the name 'Cady' (her mother's maiden name). But it was always a wrong lead."

Once she even located a 98-year-old Winifred Cady in Indiana. Both the name and age matched what she knew about her mother, but subsequent information just didn't ring true. Throughout last summer, Dietsch persisted online.

"It was basically wasted time," she said.

Along the way, she accessed Vermont's state site, through which she found a post-adoption coordinator. Working that angle, Dietsch finally got her hands on "nonidentifying information" about her birth parents. Though their names were not disclosed, the information listed their ages, religion, complexion, height and even occupations.

She celebrated the small details, taking great solace in finally learning details, such as her birth weight.

She also learned that her mother's life had not been easy. Winifred Cady had lost her own mother at the age of 9, had given birth to Dietsch at 19 and had then lost her brother, her only sibling, only weeks after Dietsch was born.

Need to know more

To access her vital records, Dietsch was told by the adoption coordinator that she would have to petition a judge. Within two months, she had received the judge's response. Citing Vermont statute, he denied her petition, writing that "there is no evidence that disclosing identifying information would not harm your birth parents or their issue. ..."

Still, the disappointing news came with a twist of hope. A clerk in the judge's office tipped off Dietsch to Vermont genealogist Joann Nichols, who lives only six miles from where Dietsch grew up. In 38 years of conducting genealogical research, Dietsch's case was only the second adoption Nichols had tackled.

Within weeks, Nichols hit pay dirt. She said she made the connection by "pure luck." While searching for Winifred Cady, Nichols discovered a Winnie Mildred Cady who seemed the correct age. Winnie Cady, she discovered, lived just across the river from where Dietsch was raised.

To locate Dietsch's siblings, if any existed, Nichols tracked Winnie Cady to the husband she had married several years after Dietsch's birth. From his obituary she gleaned the names of the couple's five children, all half-siblings to Dietsch.

Aunt Micki

Dietsch said the news hit her as if she had just won a million-dollar lottery.

"To this day, I keep pinching myself," she said. "Is this really true?"

She wasted little time in contacting the one sister for whom they could find an address.

"I was hesitant, but then I thought, 'What can happen?' " she said.

The news drew mixed emotions from her half-siblings, who range in age from 61 to 75. They had no clue Dietsch even existed.

Her only brother and youngest sister have celebrated their newfound sister and can't wait to meet her in person. Her two older sisters remain a bit more hesitant.

Dietsch also discovered that she had gained 18 nieces and nephews and 32 great nieces and nephews.

"I'm just now beginning to learn who's who," she said, smiling.

In the past few months, phone calls and e-mails have criss-crossed the country. Raised as an only child, Dietsch was thrilled to receive her first letter addressed to "Aunt Micki." Likewise, she has been amazed to see strong family resemblances among her own progeny and the photos she has seen of her biological family.

The hunt continues

Yet as Dietsch anxiously awaits meeting her new family, she knows her hunt is only half over. Not only is she determined to find the identity of her biological father but she would also like to make adoption laws more amenable to situations like hers.

"I believe adoption laws are antiquated," she said. "I've been denied my civil rights for over 70 years to know my brothers and sisters. And they have been, too."

With the consent of her newfound siblings, Dietsch and Nichols continue their mission to find her biological father. Though Dietsch doubts he's still alive - "he would have been 106 now," she said - she can hardly wait to see if she has more family to meet.

Unfortunately, the three or four people privy to the story of Dietsch's birth are presumably long gone. Apparently, her biological mother took the secret to the grave. And she believes, from some vague memory, that her father's mother - Dietsch's paternal grandmother - demanded that the records be sealed.

Vermont law states that records will remain sealed for 99 years after the adoptee's birth. There are certain provisions, however, that allow inspection of the records, and Dietsch is working that angle.

"All I can do at this point is hope," she said.


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